An Ongoing Lesson in Patience and Promises

     For the last seven months, I have been dealing with what appears to be a shoulder injury that appeared out of no where. It started with me waking up with a jarred neck, and within hours progressed to severe pain shooting into my shoulder and down my arm. To keep this post on the short side, I will give you the fast forward version up until recently. I've seen spine, pain management, spine again, physical therapy, ortho, more physical therapy, back to ortho, back to spine, family doc, and now neuro. I've had xrays, mulitple MRIs, a couple of injections, and my least favorite, an EMG. I am sitting here wondering if I should go into detail what this lovely test is like, but I do not want to be the reason my needle-fearing friends fall out of their chair. Look it up if you're curious, and for me, I had 12 from my wrist up to my neck. Fun times! Anyway, after all of that wondering and questioning and trying to pinpoint the cause, my neurologist is fairly certain I have something called Parsonage-Turner Syndrome, which basically means that I have a damaged nerve(s) in the area where my nerves go from my neck to my shoulder and down my arm. The good news is that it appears only one is affected and not the whole lot. This particular nerve feeds two muscles, and both have been atrophied since about June. In the beginning, it was pretty noticeable not only to the touch, but visibly as well. Kinda looked like someone took a good sized scoop out of both of them. I do find myself looking in the mirror to try and see if they are improving at all, and I don't know if I am just getting used to it, or if they are getting harder to see. Time will tell! With the decreased muscle came decreased strength and movement on my left side. With all of the being tossed around as we were trying to get a diagnosis, I've still been trying to do my thing. I taught Zumba up until mid-October, at times only using one arm simply because my left arm was too tired to cooperate properly. Thankfully, my Zumba girls are AMAZING!! They followed along without missing a beat(although, we did decide we could come up with some pretty cool new dance moves to show off). I've still been working out at home and still running, too, although I can't really cross on a jab-cross or do much that requires me to be using my body weight. I've been modifying a lot, but listen up friends!! You can still get in a great workout when the rest of you still works!  Anyway, my neurologist is sending me on to a neuro surgeon more to confirm his diagnosis vs. prep me for surgery. For now, he is saying that I need to be using it(yay for pushups and planks again!!...burpees will have to wait, and I can't believe I actually miss them!). It's the little things that make it frustrating though...messing with my hair, folding laundry, trying to open a jar that has it's lid on too tight, and of course going all out in my workouts.  They are saying it could be anywhere from 18-36 months before(and if) I see a full recovery, but I am hopeful. I'm doing 10 pushups now(instead of 30) and 30-60 sec planks(instead of 5 min), but it's progress! There are a few things my body just isn't quite ready for, but I am praying that in time, those will come, too. In the meantime, I have to keep my perspective. We all know friends and loved ones facing far more debilitating disorders or illnesses. I just have to remember that this is yet another 'life changing, not life threatening' moment. I will have to share a story about my first experience in this lesson on another day (enter Nicholas!).  I've started reading a book by one of my favorite authors/speakers, James MacDonald, titled Always True: God's 5 Promises When Life is Hard. I would like to share an excerpt from the book that is helping keep my eyes focused on something(someone) a little bigger than myself: 

              

"God feels compassion for the pain of not knowing, and that is why He invented this idea of promise. It's as if He is saying, I'm not going to leave you clueless. I'm not going to leave you wondering what I'm going to do. I don't want you to be overcome by fear. So I'm going to make you some promises to hold on to through the difficult days. You don't have to take your view of life from what you can see. You don't have to rest your happiness on what's happening right in front of you. You're not imprisoned by the crazy talk someone is putting into your head that you know isn't true. Hang on to the things I told you. What you saw clearly in the light hasn't changed just because the valley is dark." (James MacDonald, , Always True, 21)

So as I am continuing on this journey of patiently(and not always patiently) waiting, I am resting on the promises that God has for me to get me through it. I am hoping this can give some encouragement to any of you going through your own trials, too. 

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

From this girl's shoes,
Brandi

This Newbie's Intro

     Okay, so I am still trying to figure all of this blogging stuff out. Choosing a template, changing the background, adding widgets or gadgets or whatever they are called, giving it my own personal touch, etc. It will all come, but for now, I thought it'd be nice if I simply introduce myself. 
     Hi!! My name is Brandi, and I am wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend and a handful of other titles(multi hat-wearer like most of you!) My husband, Gary, and I have been married for over 20 years, and have weathered many seasons with our family of 5. Some great, some not so great, but we are stronger for it I think. I have primarily been a stay-at-home mama for most of that time, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I have loved being able to be here for my kids as they were growing, even if there were many years I considered myself a stay-in-the-van mom with the multiple trips to practices, games, performances, etc. The older two are now young adults, so life looks a little different here. Who am I kidding? A lot different! My nest isn't quite empty, but I can feel it coming, and as much as I know it's a necessary step, my heart isn't quite ready for it. Michael is already on his own, but still nearby, and Sara will soon be starting new adventures of her own.  Our youngest, Nicholas,  happens to have Down syndrome, and it really is just a tiny part of who he is. You'll get to know each of them a little more down the road I am sure. :)
     Now, I have to be honest right up front. I am a rambler. I sometimes tend to give too many details in my stories. Now, don't confuse this with TMI....totally not the same thing. I just need to make sure you have all of the information. I blame my dad. I promise you, when he is done telling you a story, you will be able to find the person the story is about. You'll know what they look like, where they live, where they work, what they drive, what their favorite dish is at Olive Garden, and you won't be able to eat there again without wondering if the main character is eating there(as you study each customer who ordered their favorite dish). I try to limit it to the really important stuff, but sometimes, you are simply gonna get more than you need. I apologize in advance. :)
     I don't really know what I want to get out of this blog, but I've had the desire to write for quite sometime now, so I thought this would be a good place to start. For now, I plan on writing about the things that are most important to me: my faith, my family and friends, my fitness journey, food!! and then a good handful of fun (and certainly randomness). Thank you for reading! 

From this girl's shoes,
Brandi
   
   

Lists! Lists! Lists!

     As I was lying in bed this morning under my warm and cozy covers, my mind starting going over the lists of things I needed to do today. People to call, emails to send, chores to do, and projects to tackle. I am a perpetual list maker. Whether I am adding to existing lists, or scratching down new ones in this or that notebook, my brain is constantly measuring my productivity by how much I am able to cross off. I have been known, on any given day really,  to add to my list those little interruptions that show up. You know the ones. The forgotten homework that needs ran to town(I really didn't do this one too much, but I have caved a time or two), the pet accident on the carpet, the kid accident on the carpet, the washer deciding to call it quits as it is full of wet clothes and water that all need emptied before it can be fixed, or even just the last minute trips into town to pick up this or that needed item(one of the downfalls of living 8 miles away from just about everything except great running trails, but we'll talk about that later). I like to add them to the bottom of my list, simply so I can cross them off and feel like I at least got something done. As another day starts to wind down and I am feeling pretty darn unproductive as I look at today's lists, I've decided to start from scratch and jot down a new list for the day: a few of my favorite things. No singing this one though...just a list. And thankfully, I don't have to cross anything off. :)

A Few of My Favorite Things

dandelions 

the dimples on babies' hands

homemade chicken and noodles

running hills(call me crazy)

dear friends that I consider family

family that I consider dear friends

the night sky

my secret hammock spot

candlelit bubble baths

dripping with sweat after a workout

real mail

real books

real people

going barefoot

coffee

more importantly, coffee creamer...flavored, of course

indoor rock climbing, although I don't get to do it enough

music

friends that know my heart

staying up late

naps

mercy and grace

sitting by the fire with good company

random texts from my favorite people

hiking

nail polish(with awesome names, of course)

homegrown tomatoes

challenging myself

sunsets

and someday, when I actually make it up in time, I'm sure I can add sunrises as well. 

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalms  126:3

From this girl's shoes,
Brandi