For the last seven months, I have been dealing with what appears to be a shoulder injury that appeared out of no where. It started with me waking up with a jarred neck, and within hours progressed to severe pain shooting into my shoulder and down my arm. To keep this post on the short side, I will give you the fast forward version up until recently. I've seen spine, pain management, spine again, physical therapy, ortho, more physical therapy, back to ortho, back to spine, family doc, and now neuro. I've had xrays, mulitple MRIs, a couple of injections, and my least favorite, an EMG. I am sitting here wondering if I should go into detail what this lovely test is like, but I do not want to be the reason my needle-fearing friends fall out of their chair. Look it up if you're curious, and for me, I had 12 from my wrist up to my neck. Fun times! Anyway, after all of that wondering and questioning and trying to pinpoint the cause, my neurologist is fairly certain I have something called Parsonage-Turner Syndrome, which basically means that I have a damaged nerve(s) in the area where my nerves go from my neck to my shoulder and down my arm. The good news is that it appears only one is affected and not the whole lot. This particular nerve feeds two muscles, and both have been atrophied since about June. In the beginning, it was pretty noticeable not only to the touch, but visibly as well. Kinda looked like someone took a good sized scoop out of both of them. I do find myself looking in the mirror to try and see if they are improving at all, and I don't know if I am just getting used to it, or if they are getting harder to see. Time will tell! With the decreased muscle came decreased strength and movement on my left side. With all of the being tossed around as we were trying to get a diagnosis, I've still been trying to do my thing. I taught Zumba up until mid-October, at times only using one arm simply because my left arm was too tired to cooperate properly. Thankfully, my Zumba girls are AMAZING!! They followed along without missing a beat(although, we did decide we could come up with some pretty cool new dance moves to show off). I've still been working out at home and still running, too, although I can't really cross on a jab-cross or do much that requires me to be using my body weight. I've been modifying a lot, but listen up friends!! You can still get in a great workout when the rest of you still works! Anyway, my neurologist is sending me on to a neuro surgeon more to confirm his diagnosis vs. prep me for surgery. For now, he is saying that I need to be using it(yay for pushups and planks again!!...burpees will have to wait, and I can't believe I actually miss them!). It's the little things that make it frustrating though...messing with my hair, folding laundry, trying to open a jar that has it's lid on too tight, and of course going all out in my workouts. They are saying it could be anywhere from 18-36 months before(and if) I see a full recovery, but I am hopeful. I'm doing 10 pushups now(instead of 30) and 30-60 sec planks(instead of 5 min), but it's progress! There are a few things my body just isn't quite ready for, but I am praying that in time, those will come, too. In the meantime, I have to keep my perspective. We all know friends and loved ones facing far more debilitating disorders or illnesses. I just have to remember that this is yet another 'life changing, not life threatening' moment. I will have to share a story about my first experience in this lesson on another day (enter Nicholas!). I've started reading a book by one of my favorite authors/speakers, James MacDonald, titled Always True: God's 5 Promises When Life is Hard. I would like to share an excerpt from the book that is helping keep my eyes focused on something(someone) a little bigger than myself:
"God feels compassion for the pain of not knowing, and that is why He invented this idea of promise. It's as if He is saying, I'm not going to leave you clueless. I'm not going to leave you wondering what I'm going to do. I don't want you to be overcome by fear. So I'm going to make you some promises to hold on to through the difficult days. You don't have to take your view of life from what you can see. You don't have to rest your happiness on what's happening right in front of you. You're not imprisoned by the crazy talk someone is putting into your head that you know isn't true. Hang on to the things I told you. What you saw clearly in the light hasn't changed just because the valley is dark." (James MacDonald, , Always True, 21)
So as I am continuing on this journey of patiently(and not always patiently) waiting, I am resting on the promises that God has for me to get me through it. I am hoping this can give some encouragement to any of you going through your own trials, too.
"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8
From this girl's shoes,
Brandi
No comments:
Post a Comment